Here’s a collection of words I didn’t have on my 2022 Bingo board: Octogenarian Martha Stewart strips down to just an apron to peddle Green Mountain Coffee Roasters pumpkin spice pods.

I’ll let you sit with that for a second.

The new ad campaign was shared by Stewart last week via Instagram, and we have questions. The Martha Stewart as brand ambassador parts makes sense. She has been a tastemaker in the homewares and kitchen department for decades now. But why only an apron? Just for the throwaway puns? I mean, listen, if I look that good at 81—at any age really—I’d already be banned from every Williams-Sonoma within a 100-mile radius for my apron-only shopping policy. But does it help sell pumpkin spice coffee capsules? What additional market share is Green Mountain capturing because Martha is going sans-cozy sweater?

These are all questions I cannot answer, so instead, I leave you with the transcript for Martha Stewart’s new ad campaign. And if you, for whatever reason, find yourself jonesing for a naturally-flavored Green Mountain pumpkin spice pod, they are available now online or wherever capsules are sold.

“Oh… hi there. I’m just enjoying the natural flavor of pumpkin spice from Green Mountain Coffee Roasters and nothing else… literally.

Just look at this: a thing of natural beauty. No, no, no, not me! My Green Mountain Coffee Roasters pumpkin spice coffee.

It’s made with natural flavors; that means they’ve stripped away the artificial and left nothing but goodness. What can I say? We have a lot in common.”

Zac Cadwalader is the managing editor at Sprudge Media Network and a staff writer based in Dallas. Read more Zac Cadwalader on Sprudge.